Coaching and Listening: A Simple Formula for Success
Patricia Borne, Executive Principal
CEO Resources, Inc.
How many of us have said, “You didn’t tell me that”, or “I didn’t hear you say that”, or “that’s not what you said?” Most of us could improve our listening behaviors both at home and in the workplace. If we are committed to professional development, we must change and improve our communication patterns. Coaching, technical skill development and leadership share one common denominator—heightened listening skills. Of the
four communication skills, reading, writing, listening and speaking, listening clearly poses the most problems. One way to “eat this elephant” piece by piece is to target the three types of listening:
1. Content
2. Intuitive
3. Empathic
The first category, Content Listening, depends on the accumulation of data (facts, figures, charts, etc.) in a meaningful and prioritized order. Leaders who can organize significant data and discard peripheral information will gain a competitive edge. It is a strength to obtain content, and a talent to deliver it well. We must listen effectively to learn “how” to deliver the facts to the correct audience. The second area of focus is Intuitive Listening, the listening
that takes place when no one is talking. The perceptive leader watches and absorbs the big picture without uttering a word. Remember nonverbal behaviors carry up to 75% of the message.
The final listening skill is to develop Empathic Listening. Enriching and polishing this area will deliver huge results in loyalty and employee motivation. Sincerely knowing how an event might affect an employee will lend grace and clarity to your professional communication responses.
Ten Tips for Improving Listening
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Stop Talking
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Put the speaker at ease.
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Show Him/Her You Want To Listen.
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Remove Distractions.
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Empathize With Him/Her.
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Be Patient.
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Hold Your Temper.
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Go Easy On Argument And Criticism.
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Ask Questions.
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Stop Talking.
To continue the conversation, sometimes we need to continue listening. In his book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, Marshall Goldsmith demonstrates the value of “saying nothing”. He suggests, “When someone offers a less-than-brilliant idea in a meeting, don’t criticize it. Say nothing. When someone challenges one of your decisions, don’t argue with them or make excuses. Quietly consider it and say nothing. When someone makes a helpful
suggestion, don’t remind them that you already knew that. Thank them and say nothing.”
Neutral statements also continue the conversation. You might try saying,
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“Oh, I never really thought about it quite like that. Tell me more.”
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“That’s a different way of looking at it. Could you explain it in more detail?”
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“I never considered that take on it. Could you tell me more?”
These phrases will encourage individuals to keep talking, signify your interest in the other person’s ideas and establish you as the person who is open to new ideas. Oh, by the way, after conversations with those promising leaders who agree and do not agree with your ideas, thank them for their input—they will return with more creative suggestions. Your listening skills will pay off by unearthing innovative business solutions that will move your company forward. To be an
effective coach, be a good listener.
“To listen closely and reply well is the highest perfection we are able to attain in the art of conversation.” – Francois de La Rochefoucauld